Supporting her: A guide for loved ones
Although Daisy is designed as a uniquely woman-centred space, we recognise that those in supportive roles—partners, friends, family—often need guidance on how to best support a woman they love and care about.
Supporting someone through a miscarriage is not unlike responding to a physical crisis. In those moments, we offer first aid and take actions towards sustaining life until help arrives. Emotional support works similarly: it sustains wellbeing until she can access what she needs from outside supports and care providers.
Not every woman will want or need external support networks, but your presence—gentle, steady, and non-intrusive—can be exactly what helps her survive this.
You’ve heard the saying: there’s no one way to grieve. The same applies to how we support someone in grief. What comforts one person may distress another. But there are guiding principles that can help you show up with empathy, respect, and emotional safety.
Permission: let her be. Because we need to know that we are okay and supported
Grief is a response to loss, often wordless, often overwhelming. It’s not just sadness; it’s the ache of absence, the disorientation of what was and what will never be. And it’s different for everyone.
We grieve because something lost has left us with a nothingness that hurts.
She may not have the words yet. She may not know what she needs. But your role is not to understand everything—it’s to give her permission to feel, to be, to grieve in her own way.
That permission tells her: “You are okay. What you feel is valid. I’m here.”
Grief is not linear. Some women cry, rage, or speak openly. Others withdraw, reflect, or stay busy. Some turn their pain into action—raising awareness, fundraising, creating meaning. All of it is okay. Remind her of that, especially when she forgets.
Give her the time and space to be without the fear of being shamed, rejected, humiliated, or punished.
Don’t fix
Miscarriage is steeped in helplessness. There is no fix. No words or actions can undo what’s happened.
We want to soothe. We want to offer hope, comparisons, and silver linings. But often, these attempts—though well-intentioned—can deepen her pain. Grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a reality to witness.
Be with her in the discomfort. Let her truth stand, even if it’s hard to hear. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Her experience is real. Your presence matters more than your solutions.
Expect detours
Grief is unpredictable. It doesn’t follow rules or timelines. It reacts to time, care, environment—and sometimes, nothing at all.
Right alongside the detours that grief throws our way comes the ever-changing nature of grief. It is impossible to, with certainty, pinpoint exactly how we will experience this grief from one moment to the next. There is no prescription or formula for grief, and it is so important to understand that grief is not static, but rather, is fluid, reactive and responsive to things like time, care and environment.
You may feel like you’re failing her. You may second-guess everything. That’s normal. Grief throws curveballs, and your inner critic may get loud. Stay flexible. Stay kind to yourself.
There’s no map. Just presence.
Companion her with empathy
Companionship is hard. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what I’m doing,” or “I can’t fix this, but I’m here.”
Start with honesty. Let her know you’re uncertain too. That vulnerability creates space for real connection.
As Brené Brown reminds us, empathy is feeling with someone, not trying to change their feelings.
You are not alone
And remember: your experience matters too. Gone are the days when men (especially) were expected to stay silent. If you’re supporting someone through a miscarriage, you need support too.
Here are some organisations that can support you right now:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Health direct (if you have any medical questions or concerns) 1800 882 436
Pillars of Strength http://pillarsofstrength.com.au/
Bears of hope www.bearsofhope.org.au
Mensline 1300 78 99 78