Finding support that’s right for you

For many women, especially after a miscarriage, seeking support can feel overwhelming. You might be emotionally raw, physically exhausted, and unsure where to begin. If this is you, please know: you’re not alone. You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You can take this one step at a time.

This guide is here to help you make informed, compassionate choices; ones that feel right for you.

Therapy isn’t a fix-it—It’s a relationship

Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s a space for understanding, witnessing, exploring, and gently rebuilding. At its best, therapy is a relationship grounded in safety, trust, and shared humanity. It’s shaped by the therapist, the client, the context, and the kind of care that’s needed.

Sometimes therapy focuses on managing symptoms or navigating distress. Sometimes it’s practical and solution focused. Other times, it’s a slower, more collaborative process—one that holds space for grief, identity, and change to unfold without pressure or judgment. It can be a place to make sense of the unbearable, or to discover new tools, insights, and ways of being.

Barriers are real—And they’re not your fault

Accessing therapy in Australia can be difficult. Our systems of care are underfunded, overstretched, and often don’t reflect the complexity and nuance of women’s lives. The right therapist might be out of reach financially or geographically. And for many, past experiences with clinical systems were unsafe, invalidating, or even harmful.

Let’s say this clearly: if you’ve struggled to find support, it’s not a reflection of your worth, your need or effort. It’s a reflection of a broken system.

 If you’re looking for a therapist

Here are some things you might want to consider:

1. Budget & Fees
Therapy can be expensive, even with Medicare. While some psychologists bulk bill, most do not. Medicare covers up to 10 sessions per year (around 8 hours of therapy), with rebates between $96 and $141 per session. The Australian Psychological Society recommends fees upwards of $311 per session, so out-of-pocket costs are common. You can find more details on the APS website.

2. Logistics
Location, travel, accessibility, work hours, caregiving responsibilities, and safety at home all matter. These practicalities shape what’s possible. It’s okay to prioritise what feels doable right now.

3. Fit
Do you feel safe with them? Do they respect your lived experience? It’s okay to prefer a particular gender, cultural background, communication style, or therapeutic approach. You’re allowed to choose someone who feels right to you.

4. Skills & Specialties
Not all therapists are trained the same way. There are vast differences in clinical knowledge, cultural awareness, and personal style. If someone doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean therapy won’t work—it just means they weren’t the right person. Ask: What am I paying for here? Is it what I need right now?

5. Competence
Look for specific knowledge, education, ongoing training, and ethical practice. You can always ask questions—and you’re allowed to walk away if something doesn’t feel right.

6. Red flags to watch out for

Not all therapists work safely or ethically. These may be signs to reconsider:

• They promise to “fix” you or use a one-size-fits-all method

• They don’t clearly explain your rights as a client

• They cross professional boundaries (e.g., oversharing, inconsistent behaviour, judgment)

• They react defensively when you ask questions or express discomfort

If something feels wrong, you can leave. You can also make a formal complaint if needed.

Therapy isn’t for everyone

Therapy is a significant commitment—emotionally, financially, and practically. And while it can be deeply supportive and therapeutic, that’s not true for everyone. Some people have had painful or even traumatic experiences in therapy and within the mental health system. For others, the right therapist may simply not be available.

If therapy doesn’t feel right for you right now, that’s okay. Being curious about support is still a meaningful step.

The question might not be “Do I need therapy?”
It might be “What kind of support feels possible and right for me, right now?”

If not therapy, then what?

Peer Support
Peer support groups can be life changing. They offer connection, safety, and understanding from people who’ve walked similar paths.

Online Spaces
Gentle online communities—forums, grief-focused groups, or social media spaces—can be incredibly supportive, especially in the early days when leaving the house might feel impossible.

Therapy Without Words
If talking feels too hard, creative therapies like art, music, or dance-movement therapy offer powerful, evidence-based ways to process emotion and trauma. You don’t need to be “good at art” to benefit. The Australian, New Zealand and Asian Creative Arts Therapies Association has more info on qualified practitioners.

Self-Help
There’s a world of books, blogs, courses, podcasts, and videos created by people with deep insight and lived experience. You may need to sift through a lot, but somewhere, something will resonate. Often, what helps comes from many voices across different platforms.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Care That Cares for You

Grief after miscarriage is real, complex, and deeply personal. Finding the right support shouldn’t be another burden—but for many, it still is.

Whether you seek out a therapist, join a group, connect with peers, explore creative practices, or simply take a small step toward self-kindness, you deserve options that feel safe, thoughtful, and possible within the reality of your life.

Reflection questions

• What kind of support feels realistic and helpful for me right now?

• Are there any past experiences with support—good or bad—that are shaping how I feel about seeking help now?

• What would it mean to give myself permission to start small or take my time?

• Who (or what) feels safe to reach toward at this moment?

• If I don’t want therapy, what other kinds of support might still meet my needs in a caring and non-judgmental way?